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Letting Junia Fly: Releasing the Called
This post is a personal confession. I have been in hiding. I know God called me to minister boldly as a part of the church universal but I have been hiding behind my non-profit and under my “Executive Director” title. I have been hanging out in the margins with people who let me be me.
But just like Jonah, I am discovering that the call to go to Nineveh is in inescapable. For me Nineveh is the hierarchical institutional church. A place that can be as brutal to women ministers as ancient Israel was to the prophets. Well maybe that is an overstatement, but you know what I mean. It is far easier to just not go there – to remain in hiding. Is that a big fish heading my way?
Why am I in hiding?
I am a grown woman. I am a former CPA who founded a rapidly growing non-profit that has managed to keep the doors open for seven year in the midst of a recession – no small accomplishment. I have demonstrated that I can hold my own in the corporate and non-profit arena. So why am I running from the institutional church?
The truth is I am afraid – afraid of being caged. When I think of the institutional church, the memories come flooding back. I have the memory of serving on a mission’s team and being told that the most important role I could play was to bake cookies for the outreach efforts even though I don’t cook and have a Masters of Divinity. It is the memory of being told that I could lead as long as no one saw me as a leader because I was a woman and that would be unbiblical. It is the memory of asking my church for $100 to help a family avoid eviction and being told there was no money because of the multi-million dollar building campaign. This basically said to me, “Your call to care for the poor is not a valid call of the church.”
None of these comments were malicious. None of the individuals meant to cage me. One by one these limitations, messages and painful situations convinced me that I could not be me in the institutional models of the church. So I left and choose to exercise my call within the non-profit sector. I know I am not alone in this. Most people don’t start non-profits but many leave the church to follow their call.
So that is why I am terrified of going back. That is why I have fled what I see as my Nineveh.
My call is to be a dream releaser – someone who helps people break out of cages, especially culturally constructed ones. The thought of going back into one makes me want to run the other way screaming. I have spent nearly ten years building a releasing ministry. I watch as people who have been told all their life that they “can’t” discover that they can. I watch as people tap into the power of “we” that is fueled by the power of the Holy Spirit and do things they never dreamed they would do. What I have discovered is the most spiritually rich form of Christian community I have ever been a part of. I discovered “the church” beyond the walls of the institution. It is right were Jesus said it would be – in the margins of society.
Isn’t that what the church should be? A releasing ministry engaged in the margins.
I have a dream – the dream of the church being a place where I can be me and where my materially poor friends are valued. A place where a female minister is not a strange anomaly to be managed but a gift to be celebrated and seen as equal to her male counterpart. I dream of the church being a place where my call to hang out where Jesus hung out is not seen as a quirky thing reserved only for those who are “called”, but a spiritual discipline for all believers. I dream of a place where my homeless friends are seen as Christ in the flesh with wisdom to share and spiritual depth few will ever achieve. I dream of the church being a place that destroys cages instead of constructing them.
I recently wrote a post titled, “In the Company of Junia”, in which I shared insights from Scot McKnight’s book about Junia, the female apostle named in Romans 16:7. That post got a lot of activity and I received many comments on it from both strangers and friends who feel caged by their churches.
There is a growing sense in my spirit that God is calling me to go back into the institutional church, my Nineveh. Not because I need to be there to fulfill my call but because someone needs to let all the Junia’s go free. Imagine what would happen in our country if all the women (and men) who feel called to serve but caged by the church were free to fly.
What if the church became a releasing structure instead of a structure built on power and control?
Imagine what would happen if the church entered into the margins instead being a place focused on self-preservation?
I am thankful for theologians like Scot McKight who have exposed the claim that women cannot be leaders in the church as faulty and unbiblical. However, Junia is still not free. The cage door is open in many churches, but she is still afraid to leave the cage. Someone has to go back in there and show her how to use her wings. She has never seen a woman excel within the structures of the church. Someone needs to model that it can be done.
I am thankful for practitioners like Shane Claiborne, Robert Lupton and John Perkins who have reminded the church that it is to be a blessing to its neighbors. They have ignited a new generation of Christians who are more interested in following Jesus into the margins than in sitting in a pew on Sunday mornings. However, those called to justice ministries are still not free. The path has been illuminated but it seems to start outside the church walls so many don’t know how to find it. Someone has to build a trail leading from the institutional structure out into the world. Those sitting in the pews need to see someone who is walking the streets and meeting Jesus in the margins. Someone needs to model what missional living looks like within the context of the institutional model of the church.
This past week a friend named Roger came to Hillside. Roger is a recovering addict who was formerly homeless. Roger shared that he did not want to come into the projects. He said, “I escaped from this place and I never wanted to come back.” Fortunately my friend Rudy convinced Roger that he had an obligation to help others find the freedom that he has found.
Is that what God is saying to me? Do I have an obligation to help other women and individuals who are called either to vocational ministry or to justice ministries learn to fly? Do I have an obligation to the church to help build releasing structures so that all can see their God-given dreams flourish?
Is this my call?
Is it your call?
Perhaps, it is the call of all of us.
Junia can fly – will you show her how?
Christ spirit dwells in the margins – will you lead others to it?
This post is part of a synchroblog titled “All about Eve.” Links to other posts on this topic will be added Tuesday evening.
Michelle Morr Krabill – Why I Love Being a Woman
Marta Layton – The War on Terror and the War on Women
Ellen Haroutounian – March Synchroblog – All About Eve
Jeremy Myers – Women Must Lead the Church
Carol Kuniholm – Rethinking Hupotasso
Tammy Carter – Pat Summit: Changing the Game & Changing the World
Jeanette Altes – On Being Female
kathy escobar – replacing the f-word with the d-word (no not those ones)
Melody Hanson – Call Me Crazy, But I Talk To Jesus Too
Glenn Hager – Walked Into A Bar
Steve Hayes – St. Christina of Persi
Leah Sophia – March Syncroblog-All About Eve
Liz Dyer – The Problem Is Not That I See Sexism Everywhere…
Sonja Andrews – International Women’s Day
Sonnie Swenston-Forbes – The Women
Wendy, I stand with you.
Thanks Dan. While I value having the support of my Christian Sisters, I know nothing will change until there is male leadership and affirmation of women by men. Someone has to make a place at the table for female voices and most of us are not in positions to make that happen.
Thanks for the reminder that even as we work together to break down false walls and barriers, we still need to help each other find the courage to step into the fullness of our lives and callings.
Ellen thanks for your comment. The one thing I most miss by being in the non-profit sector is having peer support of other people with a similar call who find the strength to do what they do solely from a spiritual place. We do need each other…especially those of us who seem to like to blaze new trails. It can be a lonely place.
Fantastic point. The church is too often focused on power and control. But when we focus on love and service, and releasing people to be free, we are living more like Jesus.
I am excited to see where your dream leads you!
Jeremy thanks for your comment. This topis is very near and dear to my heart and after reading all the postings from other men on mailing list claiming it is to “women” centric, I am doubling thankful for men like you who understand the importance of this topic and see the value of writing about it.
We are indignant when the church focuses on power and control, but it’s not just the church. Humanity is too often focused on power and control. In yesterday’s Gospel lesson, Jesus gives us the alternative to the ‘world’s’ power and control problem by saying “a grain of wheat is just a grain of wheat unless it falls into the ground and dies, but when it does, it bears much fruit.” So the church has to let its instinct toward power and control die, because the church is the community that claims it wants to be formed by Jesus’ alternative: life.
Thank you for this powerful, personal post that is also capable of speaking to the hearts of others, like me, who have left the church.
Liz – I go back and forth. I left, then I tip toe back in but the old fears and anxieties come flooding back so I back right back out. A friend of mine has experienced the same back and forth sense of call and retreat. We love the church – the body of Christ. We do not like the institution and all the dysfunction that it breeds. We love the people but we do not care for the structures that tend to stop the flow of the spirit rather than fuel it. I don’t know where all this will lead but the missional structures that i see emerging are for less oppressive and controlling and thus my renewed hope in the institutional church and the opportunity for women to thrive in them. Thanks for your comment.
Wendy, have just dropped by to advise that I have left a comment relating to your post on a post at Khanya, the blog of my long-time long-term internet friend Steve Hayes. http://goo.gl/MAQiT In Australia, we have a Berger paint reference from way back and I wish it for you. Keep on keeping on!
Brigid, I can not thank you enough for your comment on Steve’s post. I did reply there but I am not sure if he will post it or not. I saw his post this morning and just did not have the energy to reply. You said what I wanted to say with such grace that I have nothing more to add. I do think it is hard for men who have never experienced this kind of demeaning and dismissive attitude to understand how it feels to be on the receiving end of these comments. Again – thank you!
Hi Wendy,
Your post resonates with my journey in and out of the church system in these last 8 years. My blog which I have now had since 2008 very much reflects such a painful and bewildering journey and like you I felt caged, controlled, manipulated and rejected when I was no longer lifting up the banner of “Go, go Institutational Church, go go church leaders”.
I had exactly the same dream of liberating people within the church system from such cages. Indeed, I still do, and in my pain, rejection and loneliness I have heard God endlessly calling me to a tower where I could proclaim and share my journey and the deception under which many operate within the system, the idolatry which puts church leaders above God and agendas and programs above people in need. Like you God put it in my heart to begin to raise the alarm bells from within the system, but these errors are so ingrained, rooted so deep in what we call Church that the system always fought back at me like an injured animal in order to avoid facing up or even considering some of the issues I was raising. The Church Sustem motto like in many other business corporations is: “Either comply or cease to exist in our eyes”.
I don’t doubt that God may be asking you to go back into the system to remove the cancer that is devouring it from within, but if you do decide to do so, please know that you will be undertaking the battle of all battles. I did and I lost, but then again you are part and have been for many years of an amazing ministry which has equipped you, enpowered you to fight and overcome the biggest hurdles against the Kingdom of God, so I lift you up in prayer right now and ask that God will be with you every step of the way, giving you strength when you are weak, and courage when you have fear.
Personally, I can’t see the Church System ever being healed or giving up its power and control. Indeed, I feel it is all part of God’s final plan to draw genuine believers to HIMSELF.
you are one in a million as they say. Stay true to yourself and your calling. Nothing else will withstand the battle!
With love,
Mercedes
Mercedes,
I feel your pain and frustration and I certainly do not want to spend the next year of my life beating my head against that same wall. I am really not sure what is next for me. I see so many people searching for a way to live their faith that is authentic to who God created them to be but systems and structures that try to control and define how that gets lived out.
Today I feel more led toward creating parallel structures alongside the institutional church than changing the ones inside them. Your comment echoes much of my concern and has me praying even more fervently for God’s direction and provision.
Thank you for your comment and for your prayers. I know that whatever direction I go, it will not be easy. Just pray I have the strength to stay fully in line with God’s will. I think that is what terrifies me more than anything – trying to please man and totally compromising God’s call on my life.
A brave and beautiful post, Wendy!
Thanks Rachel. I know that your writing is helping a lot of women find their voice. Thanks for helping Junia fly!
The church exists for power and control. That is its only purpose. From its earliest inception–Exodus–onward, it has existed for no other reason than to benefit members of society with no greater talent than manipulation. The priests of that era were weak, sickly, and possessed no hunting or herding skills, so they were unable to convince fathers to part with their daughters. This resentment turned into a hatred of women which they institutionalized in the form of commandments to put women in their rightful place.
These are the same people, after all, who wrote a Biblical law which allows a jealous husband to feed his wife a poisonous concoction in hopes of killing her and her baby, and then wrote in a clause which excludes the man from fault if it turned out that the woman had never strayed from him after all.
Now they’re writing out Junia from the Bible. In her place is Junias, a fictional male.
Don’t bother with the church. People are the church. Your body is your temple.
Greetings Miss Wendy! I do so miss spending time with … I always walk away inspired to aim higher and dig deeper. We’ve often spoken about the hurt experienced at the hands of “the church”. In 2004 I went to speak to my pastor (a woman) about pursuing vocational ministry. I received a plethora of affirmation from her, my covenant group, other pastors, my husband and the UMC district superintendent from the district we lived in at the time. Within a couple of months our pastor was reassigned, our new pastor (and every pastor we’ve had to date) seem to have difficulty finding the time to mentor me through the process required by the Methodist Church. I have been accused of neglecting my family (to a criminal/call social services degree) … I have been criticized via email by pastors for being unsupportive for not “carrying the banner” when faced with unBiblical actions (equivalent to your experience where the multi-million dollar budget cannot support insignificant contributions to the least & the lost in light of building campaigns) … I have been shunned by church leaders (literally ignored) when I criticized the church priorities when essentially the entire mission/ministry budget was cut to make room for salaries & mortgages … I have been told that I don’t have a “calling” to vocational ministry because I don’t support the priorities of the institutional church … I have read book after book that has encouraged me to ignore my call until the right “season” (when my children are grown and moved away)…
Since about 2008/2009 our family has been church “homeless” … I have not pursued seminary or vocational ministry despite being consistently and unequivocally prompted by the Holy Spirit. Over the last 6 months this has created a spiritual crisis and left me feeling guilty for denying my call and frustrated by not knowing when and how to pursue it … Who’s the chicken now
My hope is that this fall I will return to school to take the first step toward a MDiv … Ack …
When you find a church you can work with, holler, and I will be glad to join you and then at least there will be two of us
Joyce,
There is a group of us who is going to gather and pray to discern next steps…want to join us?
Ooops…tried to reply on my i-pad. Let me try that again. I actually can speak proper English when I try.
Joyce,
There is a group of us who are going to pray together…want to join in?
Always cool with praying Miss Wendy
Let me know what’s what … looking forward to the journey … I know you make a great travel buddy 
Dear Sister in Christ,
I am so grateful the Holy Spirit has led you to create a place where your gifts can be used to proclaim for God’s reign.
I am so sad that you believe there is not room for you to lead in the institutional church.
I just want to ask you to consider the possibility that there are actually institutional churches who would LOVE to surround you. You may just not have discovered them yet.
I am a priest in the Episcopal Church. Before this (long story) I was a Christian pastor in the Unitarian Universalist Association. I was first ordained in 1997 when I was not only female but also young: 26 years old.
I have never, ever been part of a church body that has told me I can’t serve because I am female. I have never, ever heard that my gifts from God can only be exercised in a particular, subordinate role.
My sister, I want to let you know that the Episcopal Church has a role called “deacon” as well as the role called “priest” and that the deacon’s role is to proclaim the gospel and to challenge the people of God to get out of the pew and serve their neighbor.
I don’t know what God is doing in your life–I have only read this post–but just from what you describe here I do know that the world is blessed by your ministry.
If you have any desire for further conversation, you have my email.
God bless you.
Nurya,
Thank you for your encouragement. I actually came to faith in an ELCA church and that is where I first felt called to ministry. I know if we would not have moved…my story would be very different. It is a bit too late for me to pursue ordination outside the Baptist tradition but I am thankful that women in other traditions are being encouraged and do not face the challenges I have faced. Thank you for your comment!
Just read this via Rachel’s blog, and it touched me deeply. I live in a place where there is no church I can fit into with who will ordain me, despite my qualifications, because I am a woman. My own pastor allows me to preach occasionally, and I receive nothing but positive feedback from within the congregation, but I am crying out to God for an open door that I can walk through to express the passion He has placed on my heart for teaching and directing His people deeper into the knowledge of His love. when I see someone taking the steps that you are taking, my heart wants to sing with the promise that my daughter’s generation, and those that come after, will be free to serve God as the women He made them to be
Hi. I am alone in my choice to leave the church. I have no support from church ‘friends’. They don’t understand (but they don’t ask either). I am left alone. If it weren’t for my husband and my grown children, I’d have no one. Still, I know that God is all around, within and without me. The church will go on as usual and so will I. Now is a desert time but not for forever. Some of you who are posting need to be thankful for the colleagues gathered around you. Friends who are there for you. Most of you seem to hold onto the notion that “if I could only..!” Just do it in your ordinary lives. Minister to people who you come into contact with. I have a common job. One that most would look down their noses on. It’s at this job that I pour out my love of God without even mentioning God! I just love the people who come through my line and serve them like I would serve The Lord. Do it! Without the church involved. Do it! Unless you need some sort of title to make you feel good about yourself. Then go and fight with the church powers that be. In other words, why is there so much whining about not being able to minister in the church? The church is where you aren’t needed. The WORLD is where you are needed.
Thank you for your honest reflections. I deeply understand that fear of being burned again – the desire to find a safe place, rather than face the danger of one more round of trying to be obedient to God’s call, only to be accused of stepping out of line.
I find myself thinking of the generations following us – the younger women, the teen-aged girls – who so need to see women of faith taking their place in the life of the church. They are hurt when there are no visible women leading the way. And hurt again when the women they come to admire are pushed aside because they don’t fit someone’s idea of what they should or shouldn’t be doing.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ll live as graciously, and faithfully, in the church as possible, but I’ll also seek out “deep church” in other places: with small groups of friends who allow me to be honest, with individual younger women in need of encouragement.
I love your vision of being a dream releaser. Yes – that should be happening in the local church. But sometimes it’s not quite possible. And in fact, I’m beginning to think maybe God allows us to be scarred, and in some ways blocked, by the church, so we turn our hearts back out to the wounds of the world, and take our gifts back out to the places where the wounded are waiting.